Essential English phrases

'How are you?' — the standard Belfast greeting, contracted from 'what about you'. The expected answer is 'not much' or 'dead on', never an actual account of how you are.

Attached to almost any noun regardless of size. A wee cup of tea, a wee minute, a wee problem, a wee lorry. It softens rather than shrinks — 'I've a wee question' is how someone opens a forty-minute conversation.

Freezing. Belfast rarely gets cold in the continental sense, but it gets wet and windy off the lough constantly, and this is the word for what that does to you.

A slow, aimless walk. 'We'll take a dander round the Botanic' — the point is that it has no destination, which is a distinction Belfast makes and most places do not.

Northern Ireland's local property tax — the thing England calls Council Tax and Scotland and Wales also call Council Tax. It is calculated quite differently, and on cheaper rented homes the landlord pays it rather than you.

Your unique identifier in Northern Ireland's health service. It is not an NHS number: HSC Northern Ireland is a separate system, and you receive a medical card carrying the number after you register with a GP.

Belfast's bus rapid transit — long articulated vehicles on the G1 east–west route between Dundonald and McKee Clock via the city centre, and G2 to the Titanic Quarter. There is no tram, metro or local rail network inside the city.

Fine, grand, no problem — and also a compliment about a person. 'He's dead on' means he is decent and unpretentious, which is close to the highest praise available in Belfast.

Mortified, or fed up, depending entirely on tone. 'I'm scundered' after a mistake means embarrassed; 'I'm scundered with this rain' means sick of it. Ulster-wide and almost unknown in Britain.

Get a grip. Delivered flat and without malice, and used far more often than it sounds — including upward, to a boss, in a way an English office would find startling.

Someone tediously annoying. 'You're melting my head' is the verb form. It is genuinely one of the most-used words in the city and appears in no phrasebook.

An ice cream cone, usually a soft-serve with a flake. Ordering a 'poke' at a van on the Antrim coast road is completely standard and will confuse anyone from England.

999 for a genuine emergency, 101 for the PSNI when it is not one. Note what is missing: Northern Ireland has no NHS 111. Urgent-but-not-emergency care goes through your GP or your trust's Phone First line instead.